Today. At breakfast. After deciding what I was going to eat. Eliminating so many things I would have eaten; left with what I should eat. Knowing that no matter what I had, I was going to have to take my meds.
My meds. Do I have to take them? I didn’t want to; not this morning. And if you had asked me at that moment if I ever wanted to take my meds, the answer would have been a resounding, “No!”
Do you ever feel that way?
I don’t want to make decisions on what I am going to eat. I just want to eat. This morning I wanted to eat pancakes, french toast, corn bread…all things I know I should stay away from. Here’s a little something else I know: I know I can eat just about anything I want because I know there are meds that will keep my glucose under control. But, my weight would go up.
Like so many of you, and like so many of you know, I had to lose weight (a total of 65 pounds, or so) when I was diagnosed, and I am within about three of four pounds of where my doctor wants me. Once I get there, my BMI (Body Mass Index), will be 24.9. But, this morning I wasn’t thinking about it. I just wanted everything I shouldn’t have.
Thanksgiving wasn’t very difficult for me. Yes, I love potatoes, dressing/stuffing, and pie – just about any kind of pie, but especially pumpkin, apple and berry. I know God invented Marie Callendar’s just for me. If you don’t know what Marie Callendar’s is, just think of wonderful pies baked fresh, and you begin to get an idea. I literally had a couple bites of pie on Thanksgiving – two small bites. The next morning my blood glucose was right where it should be.
But for some reason this morning I just did not want to deal with the meds and the diet. What did I do?
I day dreamed about not being a diabetic for a couple of minutes – nice dream. And, then just took a deep breath. For me. For us. Diabetes is a reality that will probably not go away. It’s part of our lives. And, the faster we accept that we have a daily battle, the faster we will control the disease.
Look. We are lucky. We have a disease that we can control. Not everyone is as lucky. We can manage and control it through…and you know what I am going to say…diet, exercise and meds. Is it always easy? No. Is it worth fighting? YES.
So, this morning I ate what was good for me and took my meds. In case you are wondering, I had two eggs, dry rye toast and tomatoes. I wanted so many other things! Those home fried potatoes smelled great! But, I had a wonderful reward when I saw my glucose reading after exercise and before dinner – 78. I want to see the lower numbers – the numbers that ‘normal’ non-diabetics would see all of the time. Two hours after taking my first bite of dinner my reading was 110. My discipline paid off.
It’s okay to not want to take meds. It’s okay to not want to eat ‘what you are supposed to eat.’ It’s okay to not want to exercise. But, it’s not okay to give in. The battle with Diabetes is fought every day at every meal and every time you eat. For me…for me…I know if I give in to not doing things right to fight and control Diabetes, it will make it easier the next time and the next time to not continue the fight.
The fight for us is everyday. It’s a fight we can win; you can win. I know it.
As always, thank you for reading.